True Me… Unpolished Feeling of my life ,my heart. This is a promise to myself that I will be true to myself at any condition
Aaj aapki bht yaad AA rahi h…bht mehnat kar rahi hu par ab lagta h kash aap sath hote mujhe apni baho me sambhalne ke liye….kash ek hug hi mil jata…bus. contentment ke liye.
Paise to h…bus aapki kami h.i need you my love.its like ab bus apki kami h.
I want to say to you that I love you the most. I want to give all my love whole my life…..i want be the best friend first then your love and last your begum.
Thanks for all your sincere love.i am lucky to have you.
Date:7 July 2019
Aaj raste par chalte hue dekha ki ek bujurg couple chal rahe the….wo dadaji apni latthi ke sahare chal rahe the slowly slowly aur unke sath chalti hue dadji Jo mere height ki the wo unka hath pakad kar chal rahi the. Unko dekhkar feel hua ye hi Sacha payaar h. Mujhe laga jaise Jai aur Mai ho…hamare bhi height ka ratio kuch utna hi h.
Mai Kya chaite hu apne aap see pucha…aisa laga yahi chaite hu ..jaise aaj aap Mera hath public me pakadne me sharmate ni waise hi jab Mai budhi ho jao are Sahara Lena pade to aap ka hath pakadkar chalna chaite hu.. issi tarha….
Sun mere hamsafar
Kya tujhe itni si khabhaar
Ki Teri saas chalti jidhar
Rahungi bus wahi umarbhar.
Date:26 June 2019
Ajib dasta h ye.
Kha shuru kha khatam.
Ye manjile h Kon si .
Na wo samjh sake na hum.
I am talking about my dad.mujhe samjh ni ata wo chahte Kya h…ek taraf wo mujhse bat ni karte….dikhate h ki unhe farak ni padta mere hone ya na hone se aur ek taraf jab iss man ki ladai me Mai bhi agar chilla du to aise behave karte h ki Maine gunha kar Diya …sub kuch suna dete h….jab unhe farak ni padta to Kyu koshish karte h mujhe hurt karne ki . ….kitni koshish kar rahi hu unhe khush rakhne ki. Unhe dikhta Kyu ni …kabhi kabhi man karta h bhag jao kahi jaha koi mujhe janta na ho…..
Saala har koi maths ke problem solve karna sikhta h jindgi ke problem jo itne complex ho wo ni batata…
Mujhe bht irritation aur but bht sara dukh hota h ki papa Meri taraf dekhte bhi ni,par duniya ke har Bache ko best mante h…duniya ke har Bache se bat karenge but mujhse ni….wo bolte bachpan see ni the, shayad unhe lagta tha agar wo humse formal na rahe to hum discipline ni Sikh sakenge.but Ghar me subse bada bacha hone ke Karan I needed him the most… emotionally.i wanted to talk.but unhone hamesha dur rakha mujhe.ab Maine ek jid rakh di…ek jindgi ka faisla kudh akele le liya to unhe itna bura laga ki unhone mere taraf dekhna Tak chod Diya…it hurts!!! Bht chubhta h ki wo mere samne mujhe peth dikhakar bethe h…Kya Mai itni buri hu???unki khusi KE liye unko dukhi na kar saku…unke ha ka wait kar rahi hu…ki kab wo mere faisle ko accept karenge..tab Mai age badungi apni manjil ki aur..par wo mere papa hokar mujhe dukhi Kyu karte h???wo kyu Mera man dukhate h …..Mai unse kuch ni mang rahi bus unki ha chaiye…..
Bhagwan ji aur kab Tak??? Kyu aapko day ni ati mujhpar!
Kabhi kabhi bht dukh hota h…Literally kabhi kabhi man karta h upar se kud jao phir sochti hu mere liye to bhi asan h but Jo log mere decision par trust karte h unko dhoka ni de sakti…ye Mai ni hu….Mai kabhi dhoka ni de sakti….na papa ko na kisi aur ko …..shayad issi liye ji rahi hu…bhagwan ji…iss dard ko itna mat badhao ki bardash ke bahar ho Jaye…
Mai iss jindgi ki dasta aise ni ni end karna chaite…
Kuch ni hua to kuch acha karke jarur jaoungi…
Date:24 June 2019
Dar lagta h sapne na bikhar Jaye…kehte h Sachi siddat see kisi chij ko chaho to Puri kayanat tumhe uss see milane me lag jati h…to Meri prayers me Kya kami reh rahi h Jo mujhe it a darr aur dard ho raha h….dar h Mai usse kho na du…dar lagta h Mai kudh ko na kho du….
Bhagwan ji aap to sub Delhi rahe ho…Mera Sara dard samjhte ho bhi…aur kitne din apne aap ko samjhao…aur kitne din bharosa us ka banu…Mai tot rahi hu bhagwan ji…man tot raha h…Meri to kismat ye h ki Mai ro bhi ni sakti kisi ke samne…Mai kamjoor ni pad sakti apne faisle ko lekar aur na Mai us ke samne keh sakti hu apne man ka haal jiss KE liye itni dur Tak ayi hu….uska vishwas hu Mai..Mai ro di to wo tot jayega aur har ansu ka kudh ko jimedar manega….
Bhagwan ji please help me.
Mera ye suffer time khatam Karo….
I had dream of a beautiful future for past 3 years. I was patiently waiting for things to come true. I am sure that it will be in reality one day but as things are moving with time,it is becoming hard to accept that dreams don’t come true as easy as it looks…..how much cost still I have to pay??? How many exam I have to give?? even though I look careless from outside. I am completely shattering inside. I have people trusting my dreams as I do …. I can’t even cry in front of them….I can’t break their trust…
I am also human….God if things can’t work then throw me to corner of this world that I am away from all my sweet dreams…if it can happen then show us positive signs please.
Please God support us.
Date: 19 may 2019
Nowadays I see people make relation…just to have one, they are actually not really prepared for one, to handle it’s ups and downs, low and high…..
I saw this yesterday when I was talking to my best girl. She was upset. I knew what could be the matter….
Let me explain from beginning…..it’s like my best girl friend, who is decent and perfect Indian girl. She never did a thing that could hurt her parents or family. Soon she had started a new job where in we met and became good friends, there started another stream of thoughts arriving in relatives mind…her marriage. Everybody new that she will go for arranged marriage, so the supposed groom was searched within relatives. This is the way Indian big celebration of marriage proceed.
There was situation where the respective boy and his family participated and said yes to this relationship….and no sooner she also said yes for this boy. Now it was decided there will be a great festival in this family. This is not important…what I want to focus is next……..
The boy was choosen on the terms that he is within long distance relationship so relatives knew about him… everyone said he is good and sensible boy. Best thing he was well established in multi national company. I too liked his profile after hearing about him from my source that is my girl friend. I was happy for her. After second meeting with him she also started talking good things about him….they started talking late nights after phone number exchange!!! This is obvious isn’t it!!
Now Let me talk about my friend, she is simple girl, when the boy asked what she see in her patner??? She just replied in one line… Trust and support. She just wanted unconditional trust and support of family and boy in present and future life….life time!!! This is actually what is needed for a relationship to blossom and remain everlasting…. This boy( to be groom) had promised that he would be there for her. Both the sides were positive for marriage……
For every story there is some mess Because it would be unfair if everything is perfect. There were complication and misunderstanding because still have orthodox things prevailing in our Indian society. They both stop talking to each other just to please others. At the end of two weeks struggle and problem the boy’s family gave up for this relationship which was going to happen…
Socking thing was that when my friend asked for his support to be with her for this relationship…..he directly said we are not still in married then where am I boun to be support of yours……I was shocked….when I heard this conversation from my friend, my mind said just one thing….this boy is not correct person for her….do we actually need a relationship name tag to care for people or to love people?? Does a mother need a written certificate to lover her child…??? Its a genuine feeling…if he was correct person for her and talking about the definition of relationship then with what relation did he talked with her late night…??? with which relation he build emotions in those conversations…..????its not easy for girl to move on….now when things seems to be over he is behaving like he is most decent person….he is behaving professional in personal life!!!
In professional life it is not mandatory to work for others but in personal life you do it because you care for her…..there is no written rule to wish your wife or do something special on your anniversary but you still do it because you love your wife. The only thing that matters is her smile.
If he was serious for her…and had build emotions for her then he must have talked to her and console his parents….that will be a support!!!
Relationship wall stand when brick of trust and support is placed…..it’s not one dat dream…it is years of work….
I feel helpless for her as she is great girl. I don’t want her to cry. Today people are more hurt and have pain internally than externally. I guess whatever happened has something good for her holding in bag of future…..I wish she gets all her happiness one day..
Relationship blossom when you crave for them, work for them…..
-A.K
Date:14 may 2019
Technology has brought people close enough but somewhere somehow it has disconnected the way that connected heart….
Yes it’s happening!!!! I am the live example what I am feeling right now.
I am less spoken person in this big world. I have all soughts of account…fb, Instagram, what’s app, etc. When I was new to this media I thought this web of internet will gift me new friends. But that didn’t happened. I was the same…left with few countable friend in this real world.
Now as I moved to new place slowly I realised that those of my past friends are now fb friend with whom you talk very rarely…. you are there in their friend list to just like their photos. Recently I am planning to visit my childhood place….wished and planned to visit all my friends…with all enthusiasm and happiness I made up my mind. Our Culture says to inform when you go and meet people…..For the same I messaged in my group…and guess what??? Things happened exactly the opposite!!!!
Not even my school best friend responded….shocked me!!!!!!!!!!
What did I do?? Why did she not respond to my message??? Isn’t she interested to meet me?? Was I that bad??? What was the reason??????
Hell!!! Questions disturbing me and hitting back of my brain!!
Soon I realized it’s not me or her; it’s the technology that has parted our hearts….I still remember I and her , our school time when we used to walk together, study together and have fun….her mom used to be like my second mom….that was the time when there is was no technology to teach us friendship goal…..
Now the time has changed…. people have different way of living life…people respect those who are equal to them….now friendship is on social media status…. perhaps I am happy that God shown me the real relationship meaning.
I might not even have handful countable friends in real world , but those who are , they are gems. For whom I am always there. And I know they are just one phone call apart.
Real friendship is one with no definition. It’s just there , it’s a true feeling of heart.
Date:11 may 2019
Yesterday I had an opportunity to meet my friends family….not as whole but his cousins and brother. They were worried about her as she was facing some traumatic emotions from past one week. For the same they had come and console her that they were with her…..whole family is with her…….
I had doubt and confusion why they were here. You may not get why am I asking question!!!!!
Let me explain my background….
I am a defence personal girl….so we had opportunity to travel whole country but time never gave me reason to stay with family…..I always have same doubt how these civilian talk about their family and yet are happy…how these people have memories and fights yet they love to live together……..
Wiered……
Now I always wish for family , I want a joint family in my future married life….
I want to build relation in such a way that it is happy start….
Yesterday I felt sad I have many things in life yet I am poor with respect to family resource…….I wish I have such a family that will not only accept me but also love me as their daughter…I will too try my level best to keep them Happy and smiling….
Help me God!!!!
Thank you God for making me realize the importance of family.
-A.K
Date: 9 may 2019
It’s been around 2 months that I have started this job…..that I was thinking of for many years….
I had bad experiences in past and had lost Faith that real work has value in this world…..I had decided I will never work again or even think of working…..
But my better half always had trust on me….motivated me to do what I love and not to constraint my potential….he always believed that I am full of energy and that I can do anything that I wish….I am thankful that I have such a beautiful angel in my life…..
Oooohhh…forgot…I was talking about my past 2 month time…when I tried for this job I was very sure that I will get this one easily…..and got it with all due exam of my patience….lastly I was happy!!!!!!
Now comes this life that I lived and enjoyed….it was just awesome…I worked hard not because I wanted to achieve something….but because this was the job that I always wished for…the job gave me respect and honor that I expected in past and ended with bad memories and loss of confidence…I am happy that I am giving my 100% .
A gift from God was that I got a great friend here…. She entered in my life as my colleague but now she is a part of my life as a friend…or say as sister….I never had such attachment with any girl…..like sister feeling…she is the first one….I usually say her I see good individual in you but she in return reply that you have a good heart that’s why you feel this…
Wiered but I am the same type of a person…..I haven’t met such a person …..as me….
Thank you God for this beautiful memories and time…..
Now I have a bucket full of good experience that is not only professional but also gives me personal touch….
If you have your passion as your profession and a colleague as good friend then it’s a Cherry on the cake….
Love you life…..it’s just perfect!!!!
Thank you God for everything!!!!
-A.K
Date: 7 may 2019
From 3 days my best friend and colleague was facing a problem that was disturbing her emotionally….I was sad too….what she has faced in last 3 days ,I was facing for last two years….. I thought I was one who was more of prey of situations of life…..
But soon as we had conversations after our office time she opened up about her personal life …..like life back 2 months when we had never met…. actually life of past 27 years that she had lived…..
I was shocked to hear that she had seen domestic violence in her own family…. depression of her father…now I had understood her whole story , now all my questions of past two months were answered….why she was so silent when she came….she had seen violence in life that she wanted to hide her pain from whole world….why did she always spoke good and precisied word about her family…. because she had bad memories ……and foolish of me that I thought I was the only one who was facing ups and downs in the family….
Now I know every one in this world is fighting…. fighting their own battle..in a way that they don’t lose their loved ones ……respect for you have grown today…..I am happy that I have a friend like you….I wish you get all the world’s happiness….
You deserve it my best friend…
I wish the life plan that you have may blossom and fill smile and happiness in every moment of life…..
You usually say that you are blessed to have me as your friend but today I am blessed that I have a such a strong girl in my life that has given me a strength that we should face problem…may be how big it is….have faith and guts in your stomach….You can do any thing!!!!!
-A.K
Part of me 